This morning I was feeling sad and sorry for myself. Yesterday I decided it would totally be a FABULOUS idea to jump on the scales whilst in the midst of a ‘body blues’ crisis. Evidentially this wasn’t a good idea and it subsequently exasperated my feelings 10 fold. So today, I woke up and squeezed into some ‘active wear’ ; the old faithful LJ tights and a singlet. Not because I was feeling particular keen on the idea of partaking in any sort of ‘active-ness’ but more so just in case I happened to go for a walk (with Chai in hand, I think more akin to a ‘stroll’) post kindy drop off. At Least if I was wearing active wear it would be counted as legit exercise right? Anywho. Mid funk, I sat down with my babies in my lap while they had their brekkie yogurts (yup I can hear the older generations scoffing – oh the laziness of squeeze packet yogurt – yup that’s me this week, and more than likely for the next cause doing the home made yogurt route ain’t high on priority right now. And all it took was for Nylah to give me that super cheesy grin she does and it hit me that they don’t care what size I am. They really only want a mum that’s happy and loving life.
If I’m completely honest I’ve never been 100% happy with my body. For as long as I can remember I’ve always wanted to lose weight. Personally I think growing up immersed in sports, where we are constantly competing for who’s the best of the best, comparing ourselves in gym shorts, skirts etc it’s hard not to become fixated. Combine this, with mainstream media glorifying ‘skinny’, making the epitome of beauty one that is only realistic for probably 40% of society (total stab in the dark with statistics here) and we are basically setting ourselves up for failure.
I get it, we love to see ‘beautiful’ things – homes, clothing, places, foods, people. And yes, whilst we are responsible for our own thoughts, feelings and happiness, it’s god damn hard not to feel inferior. ESPECIALLY in such an aesthetically pleasing social media environment that is Instagram & Facebook. I’m so fortunate enough to be able to stay at home with my babies, create (blog, write, photograph etc) and share our lives with you all, whilst earning a little pocket money here and there. But honestly – sometimes (okay, alot of the time) I don’t feel good enough. I LOVE fashion. But have kept it on the down low for such a long time, purely because I don’t feel my body is ‘worthy’ to display / represent beautiful pieces. It’s such a mind fuck. You want to be this STRONG, RESILIENT, ‘it’s what is on the inside that counts’ woman. Your heart says one thing. Your mind another. But your eyes & inner voice are nasty and judgemental. I would never say the things to another human being, that I say to myself. EVER. So why is it okay to inflict such hurt towards the person I have to live with for the rest of my life? It needs to stop.
To relieve myself of this funk and move into a more positive mindspace I created a small list of things that are more worthy of time and focus than body shape/size.
- Health – your body is just the vessel. Your health and wellness within are priority.
- Time – the time spent with my family & friends is far too valuable to be feeling self conscious.
- Food – eat good food, enjoy it and do not feel guilty. What is the point in travelling through life torturing ourselves on a diet even rabbits would get sick of ?
- Nature – get amongst it. There’s nothing more satisfying to the soul than emersing yourself in nature. Breathe fresh air, sit and listen to the creeks flowing, the birds chirping and the trees rustling. You may even feel inspired to go for a hike (purely to enjoy the journey nothing more!).
A mindshift change is necessary, and I know change has to come from within, but I would really also like to challenge our societies perceptions, our fashion industry, mainstream & social media to consider taking a few steps forward. The more women that come forward praising and being proud of our bodies – curves, lumps, bumps, stretchies and all.. the more we will all become accepting. Actually that’s a terrible choice of word – we shouldn’t just have to ‘accept’ who we are, we need to LOVE, embrace and rock the hell out of who we are. Walk down the street proud, with your head held high. Look people in the eye and smile – we are essentially all equals – despite ‘social status’, size, education, wealth.. we all enter and leave this earth with one thing – ourselves 💕. Let’s love ourselves wholeheartedly. And actually mean it.